Traveling by plane, and all that that entails.

This was supposed to be "Thursday Thirteen Things I Like About Traveling, and Some I Don't" for the week, but since it is now Sunday afternoon, I will skip the pretense of posting on the right day.

This past week, I took a quick overnight business trip to visit a client. Luckily, it was just a holiday schoozing lunch, followed by a quick presentation that I didn't have to give, so there was limited stress and nervousness on my part. Here are my thoughts on traveling (may or may not be thirteen. Give me a break - it's not Thursday).

- The airport is open before 6am. I didn't know that. It seems very unnecessary. I can barely drive a car that early in the morning, so I sure hope the pilots have had their coffee. And there are many more crazies than us who were also there. They should call the 7am flights the red-eye flight.

- I ate an X-rayed Sonic breakfast burrito. Hopefully, it will cause no permanent damage. I bought it on my way to meet a co-worker to drive to the airport together. I was hoping she would be a few minutes late. She was not. I was driving so I didn't get to eat it right away. Then I thought I can eat it in line for security. But since we got there before any sane person would want to travel, the security line was fairly short and fast moving. Isn't it ironic? When you want there to be a red light to put your mascara on, all lights are green. When you want to eat your breakfast at the airport in the security line, everything moves at a breakneck speed. When you want a knife, there are 10,000 spoons.

What with moving with the line, worrying if I had got all of my liquids out of my bags into an pint sized ziplock bag (which I didn't, BTW, more on that to follow), getting my ID, pulling my laptop out of the case, taking off my shoes, taking off my jacket, and sucking down my Dr. Pepper that I knew they wouldn't let me bring in, there was no time for the burrito. So I had to put it on the conveyor belt to be x-rayed. I ate it while waiting for the rest of my party to put their shoes back on, laptops back in the cases, and their dignity back into their persons. It was tasty, but cold by that point. X-rays are not the same as microwave rays, apparently.

- Timing is everything. I put all of my personal belongings on the conveyor belt. There is ONE person ahead of me to go through the metal detector. My bags have disappeared into darkness. Then what happens? Nothing. No one is allowed to go through security. The TSA people say nothing, except it will be a few minutes. I'm thinking there is a shift-change or something since it about 6:00 am. I'm thinking the guy in the other line set off an alarm when he put his soft-drink through the x-ray. I'm thinking, can I grab my burrito that is being loaded with x-ray material right about now? Now would be a good time to eat it. At first they just say it is security at our gate and the one next to us that is shut down. Not a big deal. I see planes taking off in front of us. I see people past security walking around. Then they say all security gates are temporily shut down. A little more disturbing, but still a minor, local issue. But then they say, and this is to comfort us, "Don't worry, no planes are taking off right now. You will not miss your flight." Great. That makes me feel better. Lockdown in the whole airport. So what went from a little worry about a dufus trying to get his daily caffeine fix through security grew in my mind to enormous proportions of life-changing events. So we stand around for about 10 minutes. "No, we do not have any information." Then, as calmly as if we had been waiting for someone to tie their shoe, they say "Next". Lines start moving again. No explanation. No apologies. No reassurances. Such is life post-9/11. I thank God I live here where there are 1,000,000,000:1 precautionary events to major events.

- I sneaked past security with liquids in my bags! I did it! I am very sneaky that way. Of course, I did it without my knowlege. The culprit? Hot sauce. 2 packets. I didn't open my Sonic bag before - I didn't know the burritos came with salsa. I did't even want them. But since I am not a terrorist, I didn't try to overcome the pilots with hot acidic tomato sauce to the eyes.

- I always get the window seat on the wing. Why is that? I dont' know. I always get the large man next to me. The one on the way was nice and talkative. And he snored. The one on the way back couldn't be bothered with a hello. Maybe I was just jealous because an older man had an ipod and I don't. I'm not as cool as a middle-aged big man.

- Somehow I didn't have to go to the bathroom on either flight. Trying to hover on airplanes is very hard to do. Guys are so lucky.

- I am always amazed that these things can fly. Sitting next to the wing, you always hear and see interesting things. And I have learned that yes, the wings are supposed to do those things and make those noises.

- People will try to fit anything in the overhead compartments. They will try multiple times. It is geometry people. Sometimes, the cool toy you bought your kid, still in it's square, plastic and cardboard container will not fit. Deal with it.

- There has to be a better way to let people board. Why is the aisle guy always already in his seat when the window people are coming after?

- It is fun to watch people. Figuring out where they are going and why. Is it business or personal? How are they related to the people with them? Do they like the people they are related to?

- Why was that man carrying around an un-opened box of Cheerios? I want to know. I guess now I never will.

- Why do some people carry on conversations on their cell phones in a very loud voice? I don't care about your call. I'm on the plane too, so I know that we just landed. Leave me out of it. Personal auditory space is gone with the times.

- Overall, not a bad trip.